Me:Oh, hey whoa, this shower is occupied.
    Spider:Omg man I didn't see you there.
    Me:We cool?
    Spider:Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.
    Me:Oh, that's legit. Hey, you might wanna move over some--you're descending right into the shower stream and I don't want you to drown.
    Spider:Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.
    Me:So...can I get out now?
    Spider:Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.
    Me:Thanks. You have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom, okay?
    Spider:Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening.

australianpikachu:

australianpikachu:

*leaves facebook forever*

image


kinpunshou:

so this morning i was playing with the slow-mo mode on my phone, hoping to get a majestic vid of a bumblebee taking off

but instead i found this dumbfuck

hancljob:

i thought perez hilton was paris hiltons damaged and slightly less famous brother 

sorry:

Remember when David Karp made tumblr as a blogging site but now it’s full of porn and really lame jokes

andrewjacksonjihads:

i want someone who will sit on a rooftop with me at 3 am and shave their head while i shave my head and then hotglue the hair to the roof so the roof will have hair

evaot:

when ur tryin to tell a story but people talk over you

image


disgustinghuman:

mineralists:

A collection of 850 mineral eggs carved in the renowned gem-cutting center of Idar-Oberstein, Germany.

Oh gosh


skindeeptales:

Petra Kempka


baggier:

THIS IS WORSE THAN THE MUG GIRL